Category: Marriage

Do you have a set of principles that your marriage follows?

On vacation I forced Matt to sit down with me and go through the things that are important in our marriage. That conversation went as well as I expected. My Forever rolled his eyes and looked for any excuse to get out of the conversation. He isn’t a planner.

Before releasing him to go watch the 98th hour of TV on vacation, we discussed and decided on 5 core values that our marriage is all about.

• Trust
• Faithfullness
• Date Nights
• Growth
• Work Ethic

Not necessarily in that order, but those five principles are what our marriage hinges on. That means that because we value these traits, we have to work on them. The things you spend your time on are the things that you value.

There are so many other things that are important to us, but when it’s boiled down, these 5 things are the values we want the most.

What are yours? Do you have a list?

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you!

Quarantine 2020 is upon us. Chances are you’re spending a lot more time with your spouse than you might be used to. My Forever and I are used to being together all the time. Literally all the time. Here are my 3 most effective tips to get through the close quarters and still be happy!

Communication

I know. I know. So cliche.

BUT, it really is important.

You’re spending a lot more time in your house. Figure out what bothers your partner. For example, My Forever likes the floor swept and things kind of put away. I don’t mind the dirt on the floor so much, but hate when the laundry is piled in front of the washer. By knowing what it is that pushes their buttons, you can work around it.

Maybe you’re stressing about having the dishes always done, but it doesn’t bother you or your partner. Focus on the things that bother you and do them. We’re all still working and figuring things out. Do the things that need done. Do the things that bother both of you and give yourself grace on the rest.

Control What You Can

You cannot control everything. I’m sorry. You can’t. Focus on what you can. Find the things that give you peace. Then tell your partner. If having 10 minutes of bathroom alone time gives your partner the patience it takes to get through the day, you lock the door and tell the kids to stay away. Make sure you’re both getting your time!

I’m no parenting expert, but your kids need their time too. Their world has also been flipped upside down. Give them space and time.

Don’t Forget Date Nights

I know you can’t go to a restaurant at this point and you’re stuck in your house (or I hope you are anyways!), but get creative. Put the kids to bed and have a dessert date. Play a sexy bedroom game that you’ve always been too tired for. Cuddle up and watch a movie. Make a bucket list together. Even though you’re together more right now, chances are it’s not all quality time. Make time for that. Make time for sharing and caring.

Whatever you do, we have been given a gift. All the things that make us so busy have been canceled. I hope we come out of this and really question whether we need all the things to make us happy. I hope you have a new perspective. I hope you understand more fully now that you’re babies aren’t going to stay young forever. Embrace this time we have been given.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! And remember: You are loved, you are worthy and you are enough!

~Matt & Kelsey

4 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Settling Down

There is so much pressure to find your perfect soul mate, the one that is destined for you. I’ve blogged about it before, but I do not believe in soul mates. I don’t believe there is only one person for everybody. I don’t. I guess I’m not romantic enough. I think it’s bologna and makes us put unreasonable expectations on another human being.

What I do believe in is after making the choice to be committed to each other, to do just that. (As always, the caveat here is if you’re being abused. This is not geared towards abusive relationships.) I took the decision to say yes to My Forever very seriously. As seriously as any 21 year old can take the rest of her life, at least.

Y’all I love that man with all of my heart. He means the absolute world to me. That doesn’t mean he’s perfect. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect and that doesn’t mean we’re perfect together. It means that we’re two flawed human beings that chose to say yes to forever and are living that forever out day by day, fight by fight and laugh by laugh.

I would marry him again and again and again. This is my list that I give to the single people looking for a partner.

What to look for in a potential partner:

(Change the pronouns if you need to. I’m a woman married to a man so that’s the view point I write from, but this still applies to you if you aren’t.)

1. Is he a nice guy? We’ve all seen the stories of the wife of the serial killer that had no idea. It happens. I suppose. Moral of the story, it’s hard to be certain. But really, is he a nice dude? Does he treat you right? Does he minimize everything you say? Does he listen? Does he encourage your dreams? Does he put dishes in the dishwasher or expect you to do it? Does he open the door for grandmas? Does he have animals? How does he treat them?
2. How does he treat his mother? A lot can be learned from how he treats the people that are closest to him. Keep in mind, you marry his family too. We are in direct business with his family so that’s even more true for us, but it’s true for you too. Some people can’t stand their mother-in-law taking care of their husband. I don’t mind. Margaret is really great about being helpful and loving without crossing into overbearing category. She knows when to let us fight it out. She knows boundary lines. She loves both of us. Watch carefully the family interactions.
3. What do you want to change? You know how they say you can’t change another human being? Yeah, that’s a big fat lie. Matt has changed almost every aspect of my life. I used to love going out and being social, now I love staying in and being with him. I used to need instruction for everything. I wanted to get it right and needed to know what that meant, now I just do it and figure it out later. I used to want to share our whole world with everybody (and I still share 98%), but do keep that 2% close to the heart. I used to say ‘I can’t’ a lot, now I say ‘I’m having difficulty with this’. On the flip side of this, My Forever hasn’t changed very much. At all. So you might have luck influencing your partner, but you might not. Don’t bet on it. If you think your partner would be just right if only he would change these few things, don’t go through. Be happy with what you have at this point, not after changes. Those changes might never happen. If you aren’t happy now, don’t expect to be later.
4. How does he eat potato chips? Seriously. Matt and I joke about this every time he eats chips. I swear he never ate chips while we were dating. It drives me absolutely bonkers. He shoves a million in his mouth while dropping half of them to his lap and eventually floor. He won’t eat one at a time. It has to be 12 chips at one time. I can’t. Now, it’s a joke. Now he does it intentionally and purposely to get me to laugh or throw something at him. But in all reality, the things that are cute and drew you together, are often the things that pull you apart. There has to be give and take. You have to let things go. You have to apologize. You have to move on, even when you want to hang on hard.

Forever is a long time. I hope when you choose your human, you’re in it for the longterm. Marriage is hard. Living with another human brain that doesn’t think like yours is hard. It’s not perfect, but observing these four things before committing should get you a lot farther.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! And remember: You are loved, you are worthy and you are enough!

~Matt & Kelsey

3 things to do when marriage is hard:

Do you ever have times that your marriage is a real struggle? It’s hard to communicate, it’s hard to be with the person and you definitely don’t want to be intimate with that stranger you married so very long ago?

Ya’ll this past week was a struggle! #myforeverpagel and I were not in agreement about anything. We had a lot happening on the farm with lots of uncommon and random things occurring that we had to deal with. We weren’t communicating past the necessary to get the work done. Everything he did drove me crazy!

If you’ve been married longer than 2.5 seconds, you’ve had disagreements with your spouse. You have been irritated with that person. Here’s the thing though, at some point, you vowed to spend eternity with the person that you currently cannot stand. At some point you loved them enough to want to be with that person the rest of your life.

Matt and I are both in this marriage for the long run. Divorce isn’t an option for us. (I always want to put the caveat in here that I do NOT mean marriages that are abusive-protect yourself!) We have agreed that we really mean forever and will work through the stuff that life hands us.

This week it was a struggle. Some weeks, marriage seems easy. This week it wasn’t. I cannot change Matt. I cannot change how he reacts, how he misses my subtle, and not so subtle, clues that I need his help with something, how he loves this farm so much I can’t get him away from it and I shouldn’t want to.

What I can change is me and how I approach weeks like this. I’m not perfect and not claiming to be. We’re working on year 7 of our marriage. I’m finally figuring out how to approach things differently to get different results. (I’m pretty slow). But when weeks like this happen, these are the things I do to bring the focus off my frustration and anger and to more positive emotions.

1. Podcasts/Audio Books

I’m so thankful I was introduced to podcasts/audio books. There is one for literally everything out there from marriage, business, comedy and everything in between. We get so bogged down in our lives, I sometimes forget to look outside our close circle. Podcasts help me do that. Sometimes I listen to a silly one or maybe a myth busting one or maybe a motivational one or sometimes one that is simply nonsense (think reality tv in the form of a podcast). They change my perspective. They encourage me to look out. They encourage me to ask for what I need. They encourage me to ask him what he needs. They encourage me that this too shall pass.

2. Writing

Writing is such a powerful tool for me. If I have paper available and can write all the things that frustrate me currently with my dear Forever, I do it. I write everything I can think of that is making me mad. Everything he’s done or not done that I think was faulty. Everything that nobody in the entire world except him does. Then I look at it. I read it. And then I breathe in and out, slowly. Then I go through each of them and ask myself how I affected that response in him. What part I played to get him to do/not do what he did/didn’t do. How could I react differently next time? How can I proactively change what I did so we don’t have to be here again. Then I rip it up into very tiny pieces. Piece by piece I force myself to let it go. Every rip is a new start. Until that paper is just tiny smithereens of the original piece. Then I throw it in the trashcan, breathe in and out and smile. Then I move on.

3. Sex

Gasp, no. Absolutely not. I will not have sex with someone that treats me with no respect! (Again I speak of healthy marriages, not abuse situations). Chances are, in my marriage, I’m more upset than he is 99.9% of the time. Chances are he doesn’t know 50% of the time how upset I am because he simply doesn’t think like I do. I’m normally up later than he is. Before he gets comfy when I’m upset, I always try to have a conversation with him, explain why I’m upset and see how his perspective differs. After he goes to sleep, I like to wake him up in creative ways. It’s a symbol of my acknowledgement of knowing that I had a part in our fight and that I’m committed to the marriage and will show him in the way that speaks most to him.

Marriage is hard. This week it was extra hard for us. Next week will be better or maybe it won’t be. What I do know is that we will get through it and find a way to be happy again. What do you do when you’re upset with your spouse? Share your tips with us and how long you’ve been married!

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! And remember: You are loved, you are worthy and you are enough!

~Matt & Kelsey

We’ve done a few featured couples before. This is going to become a monthly thing so if you have a couple that you’d like to nominate, send us a message!

Marriage is hard. Do I say that in every #MarriageMonday post? I think so because it’s so true! In a society that doesn’t value the sanctity of marriage, it can be difficult to find role models for our marriages.

David and Kelly Holliday have always been role models in my life. Their oldest son was in my class all through school. Now, they are role models as a marriage that not only has endured, but thrived.

David is my FFA advisor’s best friend so our chapters were together a lot on trips. He became a second advisor to me. He supported me through my FFA career and could have moved on. But every time I see them, they ask about how I am and what I’ve been doing. They care.

David and Kelly are top notch people. They touch lives. They always have a smile on their face. They’re always willing to help. They’re always willing to go the extra mile. They are a spiritually strong couple that encourage and motivate so many in their journey to know God.

A true indication of the type of couple they are is their children. They truly are building a legacy of love, caring, happiness and hope through their children and now grandchildren. Each of their children are willing to lend a hand and do what’s right. They taught them right. They spread love and kindness all with a smile and a joke at the ready.

David and Kelly have changed the people in their world. They have chosen to be incredible people. They have chosen to do the things that keep their marriage strong. They are genuinely in love after a lot of years of marriage.

Marriage isn’t easy. I hope that you find people like David and Kelly that are willing to be role models from a far or will pick up the phone when you need some advice. Find the people that are making it. Find the people putting in the work. Find the people that aren’t faking it. Find the people that radiate joy in their marriage. Find those people and do what they do.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! And remember: You are loved, you are worthy and you are enough!

~Matt & Kelsey

Recovering from Valentine’s Day and Preparing for the Future

Have you recovered from the high of this weekend? Or was it a disappointment? Or simply another weekend of sharing your love with each other the same as any other? As we go back to real life this week, I encourage you to keep the specialness (is that even a word?) alive.

Friend, I have to tell you, I was determined to not fight with My Forever the week of Valentine’s. It was going to be my gift to him – to let go of the things that I would normally fight with him about. I didn’t last 2 hours into Monday morning. Seriously. That’s how long I can last without fighting with him about something.

This life we lead is hard. Like freaking hard. Like really freaking hard. Yours is too, I’m sure. Marriage isn’t an easy thing. Marriage is full of really, really crappy days and then some really, really amazing ones.

Marriage is all about remembering the good days to get through the bad ones. It’s about doing the things that people in love do, even if you don’t feel like doing them. It’s about showing up every single hard and exhausting day. It’s picking up socks and dishes that don’t belong to you. It’s going to events you don’t want to go to. It’s figuring out taxes together. It’s all the hard things.

Marriage is hard. I hope marriage is in a good place after this past weekend. I hope you snapshot those memories into your brain. I hope you have this weekend’s memories to pull out when the hard days strike. I hope you remember that it’s not going to be chocolate and flowers very often. I hope you remember the feelings you felt when you walked down the aisle or hayfield or Vegas wedding chapel, wherever you got married, when the bad days strike. Because it’s not if, but when.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! 

~Matt & Kelsey

Today, on Valentine’s Day, you might be feeling less than sexy. You might have looked in the mirror and instantly started critiquing the way that your hips are too big or your stomach isn’t flat or whatever it is that you see. QUIT IT!

First of all, you are beautiful. Your body is amazing. You are here for a purpose.

Second of all, Valentine’s Day is the leading day of sex in this country. More people are having sex today than any other day of the year. That’s a lot of pressure.

Third of all, if you want to, do it! If you don’t, have a conversation with your partner about why you don’t want to. If it’s about body image, please say yes to sex.

I find myself doing it occasionally, I’m sure you do too. You put on the favorite lingerie of your man’s then you look in the mirror and think, “no way is he going to want me in this”. Then you talk negatively to yourself and make yourself feel terrible. And that makes love making go less than perfect. Right?!

I said a similar something to My Forever one time when I wasn’t feeling too sexy. He told me two very important things: I was indeed sexy and I was wearing his favorite thing so he wasn’t looking/thinking at anything but how excited he was that I took the time and effort to put on his favorite thing because that meant for sure he was getting lucky. Second, he told me that if he didn’t think I was sexy, he wouldn’t want to have sex with me and he really wants to.

There’s a lot of ways for our men (and women) to find sex somewhere outside of our marriages. Why do we think that we’re not good enough? Your spouse loves you. Your spouse wants to make love to you. Your spouse isn’t thinking about the weight we want to lose. Your spouse is thinking about how lucky he’s about to get. Quit second guessing and sabotaging yourself.

You are beautiful. You are loved. You are worthy. You are enough. Never ever let anybody tell you differently. You are worth having sex with. You are worth putting on the lingerie. You are worth doing all the things because you want to. You are worth it. Sister, quit letting people in the cheap seats have an expensive spot in your life. They aren’t worth it, but you are! Love yourself and your body.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! 

~Matt & Kelsey

Did you know there’s a special day coming up this week? All the females are nodding yes, the men are asking what it is. If you are in a relationship, there should be a discussion about expectations. My ag teacher always says, you get upset when your expectations aren’t met. Having the conversation now, will prepare your relationship to thrive, not crash in a million pieces when Friday doesn’t go like you want it to.

Questions to Ask:

1. Do you want to go out to dinner on Friday or would you prefer to wait until it’s a little less hectic?
2. Would you prefer to have a dinner date in?
3. Who is getting the babysitter for the kids?
4. Are we getting gifts for each other? If so, is there a price limit?
5. Flowers: yay or nay.
6. Are we planning on making love?

Do you have a tradition for Valentine’s Day? What do you normally do?

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! 

~Matt & Kelsey