Kelsey Pagel – Team Pagel

I Had an Epiphany

Remember at the start of 2023 and I wrote this post about how this was going to be a stress free space for me to use as a therapy of sorts. I was going to let this be a tension reliever and only write about what I wanted to, when I wanted to. And now it’s almost June and I haven’t wrote anything?

Life has been a lot. And then life gets to be a lot more. And then a lot more. Life has a way of saying, “oh yeah? you think that’s bad? How about this?!”

(Inserting here that I know I’m blessed. I know I have all the things to be grateful for, and I am. But with our basic needs being met, we have a whole other level of time and energy that can go towards contemplating what we want out of life.)

I’m going to put it out there to the three people that read this, my marriage hasn’t been great for 4 years or more. That doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It doesn’t mean we don’t have some really great times. And it doesn’t mean that we’re getting divorced. It just means that people change, needs change, boundaries need to be changed. And those changes are hard and uncomfortable sometimes.

Someone told me at a bridal shower to not do something once that you don’t want to do for the rest of your life. But you’re young and in love and you want to do all the things. A decade later, I don’t want to do all the things anymore. I can do them, I just don’t want to. But how does one go about setting boundaries when you’re already doing and expected to be doing all the things?

Here’s the epiphany if you’re still hanging on for it…nobody has it figured out.

The more people I talk to, the more life I live, the longer I’m married, the more I figure out that nobody has it figured out. We’re all just out here winging it, trying to make it work. I know we all know that, but we forget that even though it’s a perfect IG feed, it doesn’t mean their life is perfect. It doesn’t mean that they are happy.

So there you have it…the epiphany that everybody already knows. But a reminder to myself that the perfect life doesn’t exist. Today I’m resolving again to do the things that make me happy. I’m resolving to sit by the fire table this summer and write on this blog and read my cookbooks and cook delicious food and make more cows my pets that will eat out of my hand. And go to my nieces and nephews activities and do yoga on the deck. And pet Poncho. And be happy. Because life is going to be over pretty dang fast and what will I have done?

2023-The Start of Not Giving a Damn

When I started this page, the intention was to make at least a little bit of money by blogging. I hired a coach, I worked hard on SEO, I tried taking quality photos (this is so hard for me, I’m not a photo person and hate spending extra time framing and getting the light right), I posted consistently, I tried making sure I did all the things so the google would like my posts. And I got burnt out because I was doing all the things I didn’t like to do.

Writing is my therapy. I’m sure I can make money with this, but I’m done trying. This blog is simply going to be one of my outlets, a way to release some stress. I do freelance writing for several clients and get paid from those. (Shameless plug – always interested in talking to potential new clients to see if we could work well together. If you have any friends in the publication world, I’d love to be connected). With that said, I’ve decided that just because I don’t get paid to do it, doesn’t make it worthless.

Time is such a precious commodity for all of us. I’m not holding myself to a schedule. I’m not promising to deliver google pleasing content. I’m promising myself that this page will be stress free. I’m not worrying about making it “pretty”. I’m simply going to write what is on my heart.

I love all of you that support me and appreciate you telling me what you enjoy about my writing (words of affirmation love language girl here!), but I’m not going to let the number of readers dictate what, when and why I post. Read it, don’t read it. Share it, don’t share it. I’ll love you either way.

For now, that’s all. Simply to say, I’m not giving a damn about the things that I don’t give a damn about. Happy 2023. I close most of the Grass and Grain columns I write with grace and patience. May we give grace and patience in all situations. And when we don’t, try the next time. Sayonara for now and grace and patience!

How to Make Hard Decisions in 5 steps

Think back to the last time you had to make a really hard decision. What did you do? How did you handle it? What questions did you ask? How did you know it was the right decision? Did you know it was the right decision or did you just roll with it?

This life is full of hard decisions that we’re forced to make. Sometimes, they end up being made for you. Sometimes, you have to make the decision. Sometimes they are spur of the moment, sometimes you have time to deliberate.

This past week we were faced with a REALLY hard decision. One that we had to make together, one we both have to live with. I’m not going to tell you what the choice was, but it was hard. I don’t know how it’s going to turn out. I know that having the question, was a struggle.

On a day to day basis, I make a lot of spur of the moments decisions – feed the cows here or there, feed them 2 bales or 3 bales, move to another pasture, leave where they are, run the dishwasher or not, workout or no, get fuel in the truck the fuel gauge doesn’t work in or chance it to the next time. You make a million little decisions every single day. Sometimes they’re right, sometimes you’re calling your person and telling them you ran out of fuel.

We’re so used to making decisions, but then the hard questions come up. The ones that will alter your life course. The ones that you can’t make by yourself, they affect way more than you. The ones that you struggle with. The ones that you don’t know which way to go.

How do you make those decisions?

First of all, I’m no expert. These are the things I consider when I make hard decisions: (They are all pinned to the back of my desk so I see them every time I sit down at my computer)

“Life is too short to do shit you hate” spoken by Gary Vaynerchuk. For real though! If this decision isn’t moving you towards your goals and dreams, why are you even considering it?
This too shall pass while often linked to the bible, this isn’t a specific verse. My mom is fond of saying this. I’m the queen of making a mountain out of a molehill. Like the queen. My mom is amazing at listening, justifying and then putting it into perspective. The decisions we’re making often seem so large and life changing, and while they certainly could be, the enormity of it will pass. The shock will wear off and it will become part of your daily existence or it will just be something in the past you said no to.
“You can do it all, but you can’t do it all at once.” by Jennifer Osterholt. This comment was made on a call that I was on once. I honestly don’t know if it’s her original comment or if she borrowed from someone else, but it clicked with me then and it clicked with me now in the hard decision making process. So many of us think that we have to do it all (and we can!) just not at one time. When making decisions, we have to decide if it’s something we can add to our plates and what can be deleted completely off to make room. Who is going to be needed to help with this decision?
“The next something will make me happy.” Rachel Hollis. This is the first lie in her book “Girl, Wash Your Face”. It’s easy when faced with a decision to think that it will be the thing that makes you happy. And maybe it will make you overjoyed, but we have to be happy with where we are. My cross country coach always said, “You can be happy, but never satisfied with where you are. When you are satisfied, you quit trying.”
“You are loved. You are worthy. You are enough.” Me. Like the bottom of our home page says and how we end every blog post. You don’t have to be somebody else to be loved, worthy or enough. You are those things right now. Never let anybody tell you differently.

As you contemplate really hard choices, I hope you glance through these 5 things. I hope they spark some clarity on the right choice. I know for me, just writing these have given me a peace about my decision. What do you do for a hard decision? What are the steps you take to get through it?

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~Matt & Kelsey

THE ONE THING MY FOREVER DOESN’T TOLERATE FROM ME

Matt is super laid back. Let him do his thing and he’s great. Like really. He requires very little to be happy. He’s super tolerant. But one thing he doesn’t accept. Since day one. He will not. He does not. And I’ve worked VERY hard to fix it. And I’ve done pretty well if I do say so myself.

Have I built it up enough? Are you ready to know what it is?!

Here it is…

Can't isn't a word in our vocabularies.

It is unaccepted and will get My Forever furious in exactly no time at all if you use it.

We have taken can’t out of our vocabularies and switched instead to, ‘I’m having difficulty’ or ‘can i have help’.

Matt can think of a solution for everything. And so can you. Maybe that solution is asking somebody else for help. Whatever it is, remember that more than likely somebody else has or is going through the same thing. There is a solution. Don’t be discouraged. You can do it!

~Matt & Kelsey

EASY! 3 STEPS TO FINDING A PERFECT LIFE MATE

Forever is a long, long time. When we walk down the aisle and pledge the rest of our life to somebody, that’s a long time. I meant it when I said it and I hope you did too. For those of us already living out our happily ever afters, this isn’t for you. We have kissed our last frog. These tips are for those of you that are living in single land. Seriously, put the work in first before walking down the aisle.

I have 3 considerations for you when contemplating forever with your person:

MANNERS-Is he a gentleman? Is she a lady? Does he open the doors for you? (I know super archaic, but really does he? Matt opens doors for me, mostly and it makes me smile every time. It’s not that I can’t do it myself, he just cares enough to take care of me in that way all while expecting me to change my own flat tires. I’ll take what I can get.) Does she make you feel like more of a man? Does he tell you, you’re beautiful? It’s the little things and if you aren’t doing it while dating, I highly doubt it’s going to happen when you’re married.
FAMILY-Y’all it’s super true, you’re marrying each other’s family too. His mom isn’t going to change. Her dad isn’t going to suddenly think you’re good enough for his baby girl. Are going to be able to eat turkey on Thanksgiving together? If not, you need to have that discussion before walking down the aisle. Things don’t magically change after you have rings on your fingers. Have the tough conversations before pledging forever.
POTATO CHIPS-Watch your partner each potato chips before getting married. I said before it’s too late for those of us already hitched. I tell My Forever all the time that if I would have seen him eat chips before we got married, we wouldn’t be married. I CANNOT stand it. He turns in to a cave man when he eats chips. Like shoving handfuls in his mouth and 3/4 of them fall out all over the floor or wherever he’s eating. It drives me batty. It’s a joke between the two of us at this point. No getting out now, might as well laugh. But in all seriousness, the little things that we think are adorable while dating often turn in to the things that we can’t stand as a married couple.

I hope you work to improve yourselves as individuals and a couple, but DO NOT expect change to happen in your partner. If you’re pledging the rest of your life to somebody in the hopes they will just do this different, don’t do it. I want to say people don’t change, but that’s not true, we do. But you can’t force change on another person.

All of these were meant in a truly light-hearted manner. I’m all for people being happy. I believe we all deserve this, but I think so many of us give up too early on our marriages because we think life is supposed to be perfect and when it’s not, we run. Nothing about my life is perfect. Nothing. But I love the man I’m married to with all my heart, even when he’s eating chips. Embrace the other’s “flaws” and roll with them. If something bothers you, you’d better be willing to discuss it with your partner in a kind and respectful way.

What would you add to this list?

~Matt & Kelsey

WHAT BRINGS YOU JOY?

I was listening to a podcast the other day that asked this question. It took me back for a second. What makes you happy? What makes you smile? If you were given a few months to live, what would you spend it doing? Can you answer it?

We’re so focused on doing for others, doing our jobs and living life that sometimes we forget about the things that make us smile, that fills our souls.

I compiled a list of the things that makes me happy. I hope you will do the same in your life. Take my list and amend it to fit your needs.

My Forever
Family & Friends
Texas Roadhouse Rolls
Brownies & Cheesecake
Poncho
Sunrises & Sunsets
Brand new baby calves
Writing
Music-specifically my playlist
Rainy Days
Vacations
Boating
Watching Matt snow ski
Auto Steer
Clean Bed
Indoor plants
My green/purple phone case

Whenever you’re having a crummy day, have a list like this you can refer to. Some of the things on my list take a bit to orchestrate, but some of them I can have immediately. We are so blessed. If you’re reading this, you’re blessed and loved. Make a list if you have trouble remembering. It’s okay to forget for a minute and get bogged down in life’s cruminess, but have a list to be able to pull yourself back out of it.

~Matt & Kelsey

5 MINUTE OR LESS FOOLPROOF WAYS TO SHOW YOUR PARTNER LOVE INSTANTLY

7 WAYS TO MAKE SURE YOUR PARTNER IS NOT NEGLECTED

Something special. Something meaningful. Something extraordinary.

When was the last time you did those things in your marriage?

The last thing many of us are thinking about is our marriage and doing something special.

But, it’s just what many of our marriages need.

Don’t go crazy and break your budget. Don’t make it so extravagant that it’s a stresser. Simply do something that is directly intended for your spouse.

Need some examples?

A good morning kiss with a wish for a great day. (Or a kiss in general. Like a real one, not a quick peck).
Delivering coffee in bed, if you’re coffee drinkers. (If Matt did this, I would think it was a direct fight attempt because we don’t like coffee).
Put a love note in their lunch box.
Text them your favorite body part of theirs and why.
Go for a walk together.
Have dessert after the kids go to bed.
Wear the lingerie.

Really, anything. Just do something simple that shows your spouse that you haven’t forgotten them, you love them with all your heart, they are super important to you and life is great with them by your side.

~Matt & Kelsey

TWO TRICKS THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU CLEAN!

I hate cleaning. Like hate. I’m terrible at keeping up. Our house has a magnet that attracts dirt, mud, grime and all the yucky things. Does yours? But I also don’t love the commercial cleaners because I haven’t found one that works super well for me.

Now, I use easy, homemade things mostly that get the job done. Think things your grandma would have used.

FRUIT/VEGETABLE WASH

Do you just use water? “They”, whoever they are, say that there is a waxy coat on most of the fruit and vegetables that we need to get off. I have no idea if this is true or not. However, I do think our fruits and vegetables last longer when I was them in this cleaner.

I mix one part vinegar to one part water. Put it in a spray bottle and have ready. I use this on all our fruits and veggies. I put everything in strainers and spray generously, leave sit for 5 ish minutes (or 20 when I forget), then thoroughly rinse. Then I prepare them so whatever it is, is ready to eat. Tops off strawberries, bite size pieces, etc.

HOUSE CLEANER

The only thing I use on any surface (besides wood and floors) is vinegar and dawn dish soap. It works SO much better for bathroom scum, cleaning countertops, the stovetops, etc. than anything I have found. The secret though is heating the vinegar first. I know it’s weird, but for real do it! Try it! You’ll be convinced. Heat the vinegar for roughly 30 seconds then mix with a few tablespoons of Dawn dish soap. Then spray it on whatever surface, let is sit for a bit, then scrub it off. Seriously, it works!

What are your cleaning hacks?

~Matt & Kelsey

ADVICE NEEDED! TELL US HOW IT WORKS IN YOUR LIVES.

HOW DO YOU HANDLE HOUSEHOLD CHORES?

Curious, when you have a day off work together with your spouse, do you fight because neither of you are doing what you wanted/expected to be doing? Or have you talked through the plan. Matt and I rarely have days off, but the unexpected ones are the ones we sometimes struggle through.

Matt’s idea of a day of is sitting in a recliner and watching TV. The end, nothing else needed. My idea of a day off is doing all the things that doesn’t get done on a regular basis. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about a good movie or show, but not all day.

So we compromise, Matt sits in the chair and I do all the things. Joking, kind of, sometimes. I tell him all the time that we aren’t in the 14th century, there are two of us that live in our house and that means there are two of us that can run the laundry, dishes, sweeper, etc.

Maybe in your household, you have the chores divided and that is just your chore that you do. Maybe one of you do all of the household things. I’m curious how you do it. How do you divide the chores? Does it work for you? What are the things that make it work?

We have been married since October of 2013, but are still working through things. Give us all the ideas on how your household functions in relation to who does all the things! Genually curious how the rest of the world handles these things! Let us know!

~Matt & Kelsey

A DAY IN THE LIFE-SUMMER EDITION

What do we do all day during the summer? Every season is busy. Summer tends to be the busiest. The long daylight hours lends itself to long hours on the farm. Summer is when we put up hay and store up for the cows for winter. We’re rotating cows through summer grass, we’re doctoring pinkeye and all the other summer time things. We’re doing all the things and working a lot of hours.

Summertime is still my favorite time of year. I HATE cold weather. HATE it with a passion. Like hate it. It’s the worst. I love when it gets dark at 5 though. Most people hate the time change. I love it. It means that we’re not running as fast and hard as we were. But the shop still has lights. Still things to be doing except it’s cold and I don’t like cold.

A typical summer day means getting up early, normally a little after six. I check cows first thing. As the day heats up the cattle head to the shade or ponds. I want to see them while they’re grazing. I want to see them moving. Once they are all bunched up under the trees, it’s harder to see if anything is wrong with individuals.

Once I have gone to the cows I want to get to or it gets too hot, I move on to another project. In the midst of haying season, it’s normally time to head to the hayfield where we spend all day putting up bales. Once hay season is over, there’s normally grain to haul, repairs to make, rotary mowing to do, etc.

We pack our lunches almost every day. Chances are we aren’t going to be around the house during meal times and I need food to make it through the afternoon. Ask Matt, I get very not nice when I don’t have my food.

Another thing I’m meticulous about it having water packed. I love my water bottles that don’t condensate and keep water cold for a long time. In the heat of summer, it’s important for my body to be hydrated with water. Matt can survive on mountain dew and ice cream and feel great. I do not. So I make sure I have what I need to be as successful as I can be.

I’d love for Matt to pack my lunch and water, but it’s not important to him. He’ll be fine with ice cream so it’s not important to him to pack a nutritious lunch. For me, it is. So I make it a priority, most days. Some days I beg for Taco Bell.

My favorite part of summer is the end, when we get all the hay put up and hauled. That’s when I know it’s time to start planning our vacation. These 5 days of the year are my absolute favorite. We go somewhere secluded, normally by a lake and we just sit and relax and be together. It’s perfection. I write, he watches TV, we sleep, we eat, we love. It’s everything.

~Matt & Kelsey