Kelsey Pagel – Page 14

Why We Shouldn’t Read Cinderella to Our Children

Growing up, my sisters and I were the first ones on the bus to school and the last ones off. We spent a lot of time in tractors as my parents worked. There was lots of riding around time before being big enough to drive anything. We did a lot of reading. I love reading. Maybe it’s just the books I choose, but most of them go the same way. The classic Cinderella story — boy meet girl, fall in love, have a huge problem that gets fixed, then they live happily ever after. So few of these stories talk about life after marriage. It ends with the happily ever after.

Maybe it’s just ours, but marriage is hard. Not just hard, but freaking hard. Every single day is work. I’m a very imperfect being and I’m married to an imperfect being. Why do we read our children stories of happily ever afters being easy? Nothing about marriage is easy. Little girls dream of their wedding day for years. We plan everything out. Every wedding we go to, we can’t wait to be the girl in the cliche white dress. We want to have our day. The day everyone is cerebrating us and our princes. Then the happily ever begins.

The socks get left all over the house, the toothpaste is left in the sink, the toilet paper is never replaced, dishes don’t make their way to the dishwasher, laundry piles up, the floor always needs swept and bills, bills, bills.

I hope you grew up in a home that your parents modeled how to navigate all this and communicate effectively, but I’m going to guess with the divorce rate the way it is, there are several of us that weren’t taught how to navigate the happily ever after.

We think that the wedding is the biggest day of our life and that is simply not true. Our stories do not end with the wedding day like the stories do. Our story begins with the wedding day. We shouldn’t disillusion our children that marriage is easy. I’m not a parent. I’m an aunt that loves my nieces and nephews to pieces. But I am not a parent. Period. I cannot and will not tell you how to raise your children.

Should we become parents someday, our babies will be taught that the happily ever after doesn’t exist. Period end of subject. Does not exist. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a choice. Life is not a fairy tale.

Does that mean our hypothetical babies won’t believe in love stories. Absolutely not. My hope is that we model real and true life. We model good days where things go smooth and smiles and good attitudes are easy. I hope we model bad days where frowns and bad attitudes are present. I hope we model sad days that tears flow freely. But most of all I hope that our still hypothetical babies see that their parents aren’t living a fairy tale. They are living the life that we chose. Everyday is a choice. Everyday is a day that we wake up and decide that no matter what goes on, we will love each other through it and work through any and all problems together.

We can’t and won’t tell you how to raise your children, but I strongly encourage you to be real with your children and not disillusion them with fake stories that sound good in story books, but don’t work in real life.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Please and thank you!

How To Make Life Happen to YOU!!

I’m a very firm believer that our life will happen to us if we don’t make it happen for us. If you don’t have a destination you’re wanting to go, you will go where others take you. Now for those of you, “life’s about the journey, not the destination” people, I also agree with you! But here’s the thing, the world needs YOU and your ideas. We are so busy with our lives and activities that we rarely get around to thinking about long term. Where do you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years? What do you want to be doing? Where do you see yourself? What does your day look like? Who is with you?

I spent approximately two whole hot minutes in a MLM company. While I ultimately (and quickly) decided that it wasn’t for me, I learned 2 very important things from those few months.

The world is larger than I can imagine. There are a lot of people in the world. There is space for everyone’s ideas. There is money to be made on the internet. There are people living their dreams and purpose in life and aren’t “celebrity” status, but are making a huge difference in the lives of their “followers”. You don’t have to be famous to make a difference in the world. You need to find your tribe and spend time in it and nurturing it.
Podcasts! Call me whatever you want (naive, ridiculous, sheltered, etc), but my time in the MLM introduced me to podcasts. Now I can’t imagine a time that I didn’t know what they were. Seriously! So much free information out there about any and all subjects. I’m always looking for good podcast suggestions. What are your favorites ones? Maybe you don’t know what a podcast is or how to listen to one. Whichever end of the spectrum you’re on, please let me know in the comments! They have forever changed our lives and so grateful to the brief time I spent in that MLM so that I could learn these two things.

Do you have goals? Do you have a plan to accomplish those goals? Are you looking at them daily? If not, why? Kind of like our finances that we talked about Monday, if you don’t have a why for your life, life is going to happen to you, not for you. Don’t try to change several things at once. Do it gradually, make each thing you change into a habit before you moving on to changing the next thing. Give yourself grace! You deserve it! If you fall off the wagon, don’t quit!! Acknowledge what happened, how you can change it the next time and move on! The world needs you to be you. The world needs your ideas and trust me, there is room for it. You have to do it, no one else is going to do it for you. Don’t let a few tell you you’re not good enough or you don’t have what it takes. I’m telling you, you do! You can do it!

Starting a blog and sharing intimate details of my life and finding time to be consistent, isn’t easy, but guess what?! I LOVE writing. I want to help the struggling married couple that haven’t been communicating effectively. I want to share my farm life with you. I want to help get your finances to a happy place and not a stressful one!

Listen to me, dear friend, when I say you can do it! Do small steps towards your goals daily. Don’t try to do huge leaps and bounds in one day. Do it like a tortoise, slowly and surely. You will outdo the hare, if you take it one step at a time. If you ever need encouragement, please message me! I’m here for you and will believe in you. I have an amazing support team in my life, but I know how crushing and soil-wrenching it is when people doubt you. I will support you! Please don’t quit on your dreams. You can do it!!!

Marriage Intimacy

My Forever and I have been married for over 5 years at this point. (We got married in October 2013, just in case you’re reading this after original post date.) Our jobs are the farm, so we work together daily. We farm with his family. Him and his father make a lot of the managerial decisions. I’m really just hired help with a healthy dose of attitude and opinions most days. Some days I really struggle with the number of hours I work to further My Forever’s dreams and the lack of input that I get into making decisions. But here’s the thing…and I have to remind myself of this constantly…I’m CHOOSING to be here and doing what I’m doing. My Forever loves to tell me to do whatever I want. He is not holding me hostage and keeping me here. I want to work alongside him. I want to be there for him. But, life is hard. I get bitter about being left out of decisions. I get bitter about finding out things second hand because he’s forgotten to tell me.

Life is stressful. Days are long. Stress is high 100% of the time. I’m actually stealing away a few minutes to write this blog before headed to go work the rest of the day. If I don’t make time, it doesn’t happen. I can guarantee that My Forever wouldn’t be upset about me taking the 20 minutes it takes to write this, so that I will work much later at night. We’ve finally reached the point that we’re beginning to understand that BOTH of us have things that bother us. If we simply allow the other to tackle that particular thing, we can be more present when we’re together.

Back to the topic. Life is stressful. How do we work together and not severely hurt each other? Ready for this? This is our secret. Okay, here it is. Sex. Yep, good and regular sex. I’m a big advocate of sex in marriage. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I made My Forever commit to me before he got my body. Once he said, together…forever, in our marriage vows on our wedding day, I was his. Sex is a beautiful thing between two married people that have committed to eternity through hell or high water.

We try living the intimacy lifestyle that I believe was coined by One Extraordinary Marriage. (Listen to their weekly podcast for some marriage tips from a couple that has been married 20 plus years.) Our intimacy lifestyle is designed around sex twice a week with him initiating one of those times on his days and me initiating on one of my days. We have the week broke up so we know. There is enough uncertainty in our lives, love making should not be one of them. Nobody likes to be rejected. Therefore, with each of us being on board with sex at least twice a week with each of us initiating once each week, there is little room for rejection.

Ladies, can I talk to you for just a hot second? Sex should be fun. Sex shouldn’t be something we avoid or withhold because we’re punishing our husband. Love making doesn’t start in the bedroom for me. It starts in the morning when My Forever tells me good morning. When he texts me as we’re working in the same field, but in different tractors, and tells me I look good. It starts when he holds my hand as we walk to the truck to haul hay. It starts when he asks me how my day was when we get it home. It starts with a back rub, thanking me for my hard day of work. Sometimes I have to use up some extra words I have and he has to listen to me for a while. But the thing is, Matt had to learn this about me. Men think so much different from us women that he had to learn to understand how to get me present when he was ready. I had to tell him very plainly with my words what I needed throughout the day so I was ready for him at night or morning or noon, whenever. We work together, we have that freedom. Women, we have to tell them in words so that they understand what we need in order to give to them. We cannot assume they know, just because it’s in our heads. I can guarantee they don’t! Give them a break and tell them exactly what you need! In and outside the bedroom. Don’t leave it to guesswork. You’re marriage is WAY too important to do that.

Figure out what works for you and your lifestyle. We could talk for hours on the health benefits of sex for both partners, but this is long enough already. Seriously, sex should be an essential part of your marriage that neither partner withholds. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of! If there are too many hurts to get through on your own, go to a counselor. We hire personal trainers at the gym, life coaches, business mentors, etc, but therapy is considered for the weak. That’s not true!! The most accomplished and brilliant people believe in therapy. Do not be ashamed to go to counseling.

Do you remember that second at the alter on your wedding day that you looked at the person that you were vowing to spend forever with in front of all your friends and family, and you literally felt like you were breaking because of all the love you felt for this person. Don’t let life and stress take that away from you. Fight for your marriage. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Marriage is really really hard work, but so worth it!

Date Night Ideas

When was the last time you and your forever went on a date night? Do you have a set schedule or just whenever it works? My Forever and I normally go with the whenever approach. We started doing a monthly date night that was planned by the other. (So you’re planning a date night every other month). Ideally, you would have a set schedule that the first Friday or second Saturday is your set date night. That doesn’t work in our lifestyle. We go when it rains, when we have to go on a parts run or when we can combine it with an event we’re already out for. I wish we could do the first Friday approach, but it just doesn’t work. So much of what we do is based on getting it done at just the right time so when it must be done, it must be done. With that said, we do a lot of in home date nights.

What should date night look like? However you and your significant other want it to look like! That’s the amazing part of planning every other one-you get to choose. We don’t have kids and we’re our own bosses so we have a lot more freedom than most. Don’t let your kids be your excuse not to go. I hear so often, “we can’t go on dates because we don’t have babysitting money”. Your marriage is much too important to let that be the case. Get creative! Find somebody in your kids’ classes or your church that will swap babysitting-you babysit for them and them for you so you both can go out!

Dates do not have to be expensive. Seriously, our best date nights have been free or very inexpensive. Dates do not have to be dinner and a movie/show. Once you have the kids out of the house, cook dinner with your spouse. Use the fancy dishes! Light a candle. Snuggle on the couch. Go walk, holding hands. Seriously Google has 5 million and one date night options that are virtually free or very inexpensive!

Ideally, Matt and I have date night once/week. To many, our dates aren’t dates. That’s the beautiful part-we don’t care what others think of our dates and you shouldn’t either. Checking cattle with My Forever is a real treat for me and I LOVE when we get to. Normally, we split and conquer with the cattle checking and when I simply get to ride around with him, it’s pure joy for me. I’ll call that a date night anytime. My marriage is my number one priority in my life. I want to wake up in 50,60,70 plus years and be ecstatic that I woke up next to My Forever. It takes work! I can’t coast and assume it will all work out. Just like anything we care about, it needs constant improvement.

Schedule date nights if you can. If not, make them happen when you can (at least once/month!) Don’t let the person you loved enough to give them the rest of your life, end up a roommate.

What Does a Farm Look Like?

Every farm is different, but here is a break down of what our farm in Northeast Kansas looks like.

Briefly, let’s do a whole farm overview. In the coming weeks we will break each segment of the operation down in more detail, but let’s start with a whole broad sweep.

My Forever and I both grew up on very similar farming operations. After getting married, I moved into his operation. It is a family operation with three generations involved. There are three of us full time on the farm, My Forever, myself and my father-in-law, Henry. My mother-in-law takes care of all the paperwork for the farm and keeps us well fed. She also helps in the evenings and weekends when she can. Matt’s grandparents started the operation. His grandpa had a four wheeler wreck and passed away before I came into the picture. His grandma remains a large land owner in the operation.

We have cow/calf pairs, row crops (corn and soybeans, rotated and mixed with cover crops), hay and pasture ground. Each operation will be broken down into much more detail in future blogs! Matt and I have chickens, but they aren’t involved in the family farm. They are a hobby for me basically!

Matt loves working in the shop on projects. He’s an amazing creator. He can fix anything that is broken. He can create, out of nothing, almost anything. He loves making and fixing things! We save quite a bit of money on repairs because he can fix a lot of things! He’s so talented in everything he does.

Here’s the thing…life on the farm is incredibly hard. There are a lot of dynamics involved in a multi-generational business. Working with family everyday is hard. Working with your spouse and then letting things go at night, is difficult. The days are long. The work is hard. The stress is high. There is always something to be done-we are never “caught up”. Matt does something on the farm everyday, weekends don’t mean two days off. He is always doing something. Since we don’t have kids, I work a lot of hours alongside of him. Because of this, we both pitch in with the house and keeping up with laundry and dishes and cleaning. But honestly, in the busy seasons, a lot of the housework gets skipped over. There are so many hours in the day and we have to take something off our plate.

Farming is a lifestyle that not very many people want. We have a multigenerational family business. Our business has to make money, otherwise three families are out an income. We put so much of our blood, sweat and tears into making this operation profitable so that we can continue the life that Matt has dreamed about living since he was a little boy. We are living our dreams. It’s hard, it’s draining, it’s exhausting, but it’s our dream and we love it!

Fun Facts about Team Pagel

We started dating then we broke up. My Forever never quit “pursuing” me, but I wouldn’t ever say we were dating. So we were “officially unofficially not committed to not dating”. That’s what I would say. Anyway, he proposed the day we celebrated my Grandma’s 100th birthday. I didn’t have plans to go with him so I was in my party dress with no other clothes. I borrowed clothes and we went to go check cows or that’s what I thought! He proposed on a road we travel often now. We were engaged for 5 months. I wanted an outside October wedding. Yes, right in the middle of harvest! We decided on my Grandma’s hayfield, no matter how off the beaten path it may be. So I spent 5 months planning, while he played the supportive, ‘whatever you want dear’ role. When we got down to the wire, there were chances of rain. It was decided that we couldn’t set up the outdoor part the day before due to the chance of rain. (We had little square bales for people to sit on and they can’t get rained on or they are ruined). I was in charge of decorating the reception hall how I wanted it and he was going to set up in the hayfield the morning of the wedding. I didn’t see how he set up anything until I walked down the aisle of hay bales. There were so many small things he did! To this day, the comments we receive are 100% about how beautiful the ceremony was and how everything looked so amazing in the hayfield, not the 5 months of planning for the reception hall. This is life with him. He plans so little, but most everything comes out so perfect. It was all him and anybody he recruited to help him that morning (I’m still not sure who all helped). I always say we can’t ever get divorced because I had the wedding that exceeded my dreams and I have the most amazing mother-in-law a girl could ask for.
More wedding fun facts. Our DJ backed out on us 2 weeks before the wedding. Our minister backed out 1 week. We had virtually no pre-marriage counseling. My wedding dress cost less than my wedding band (not engagement ring, just wedding band). My wedding band costs less than Matt’s. (His was less than $250 to give you a reference). Big spenders over here. I wear my wedding band (not engagement ring-it’s much bigger and more dangerous on the farm) everyday to remind myself that I do in fact love the man that is yelling at me. My Forever picked out the engagement ring by himself. We didn’t talk about what I wanted beforehand. We didn’t talk about getting engaged really. I mean we weren’t even dating so why talk marriage? Quite frankly, I didn’t care what the ring looked like. Matt picked out the ring that he liked and made him think forever with me was a good idea. I love it. We picked out our wedding bands together after getting engaged. The wedding band is now not circular due to catching it in a gate and having Matt use his pliers to get circulation back in my finger. The ring has a story to tell and isn’t perfect, just like us and our marriage. I think about that every time I see it.
I call Matt, My Forever because it’s a great reminder when we’re fighting that we’re in this for forever and will get through whatever it is that we’re going through. The main reason is because he ended his vows (we wrote our own vows-and his were amazing and definitely made me cry) with…Together, Forever. It was the best!
My Forever rarely yells or raises his voice. He will let you know how disappointed he is simply by shaking his head and walking away. He won’t have a full on screaming fight with me, he will simply walk away. He rarely says anything he regrets because he thinks about what he’s going to say first. When he does, he apologizes.
I hate white socks. My Forever will only use a towel once, then it has to be washed. We have more “old” or everyday clothes than we have nice clothes. After almost 5 years of marriage, we still haven’t figured out a laundry organizational system (it literally still causes fights!).
We can keep hundreds of acres of crops alive and thriving, but can’t keep house plants or a garden alive. The two peace lillies I have are exceptions to that rule, but they tell you when to water them, so it’s basically cheating. And honestly, I’m pretty sure I killed one of those this winter.
Everybody that meets us will say Matt never talks. He’s a listener through and through. He can remember and repeat everything that is said. When it’s just the two of us, he never stops talking so its hard for me to remember when I thought he was quiet.
We hate mowing our yard. Enter the chickens that do a lot of that work for us so we don’t have to mow nearly so often. Plus, we don’t have insects.
We work together daily and haven’t killed each other yet. Yet is the key word. Kidding! In all honesty, we love our life and what we’re doing and there is no one I would rather be doing it with.

What are a couple fun facts about you? Let us know in the comments!

What is Farm Friday?

And welcome to the last of the three days we’re posting on. Farm Friday will focus on the farm. It will be a collaboration of what we do during the different seasons and why we do it.

There are less than 2% of the American population involved in production agriculture. I have been involved since birth so I don’t know any different. There is a lot of misunderstandings in the world of agriculture. It is our goal to clarify and explain what we do and how we do it.

Farmers have to be experts in all sorts of categories and take great pride in making sure that they are up to date on the latest and most accurate information. I take great pride in the fact that I grew up on a family farm and married into another.

I swore I would never marry a farmer. I was going to marry somebody with set hours. Somebody that wouldn’t have to go pull a calf in the middle of the night or somebody that wouldn’t work 20 hours a day during the busy seasons on the farm. I swore I would never be tied to anyone that relied on the weather for so much. Never was I going to marry somebody that wouldn’t want to go on vacations with me. I was convinced I was going to marry somebody with a “real” job. And then I fell in love.

If you ever have any questions or topics that you want covered, we welcome your input. Send us a message or comment on a post. No question is a stupid question. We are striving to build a supportive community that won’t attack others. We highly encourage the curiosity and questions! Search #farmfridaytpstyle to stay up to date!

What is Wild Wednesday

Today, I’m going to take the opportunity to introduce you to the blog. It is my brain child. I’m so grateful My Forever is so supportive of most anything I choose to do.

My goal is to provide a creative outlet for me. Writing is the limit of my creativity. I appreciate the space to do that. My goal is to provide you with information that is useful. My goal is to get you to laugh at my mistakes and help you avoid them. My goal is to be a quick minute in your day for you to de-stress, to relax for just a minute, whether that is as you start your day, during your lunch break or when you’re locked in the bathroom for just a few seconds away from your kids. I welcome any comments and suggestions. I’m a flawed human being and would love feedback, as long as you do it in a polite manner. Please don’t attack me! As we begin this journey together, I hope you understand that I’m serious about providing you useful material in a very consistent manner. Stick around and I’ll prove to you that I’m serious!

I will be posting a new blog 3 times per week: Marriage Monday, Wild Wednesday and Farm Friday. My marriage is the most important thing in my life. Keeping it healthy takes a lot of work! (Something all the fairy tales we’re told growing up, doesn’t tell you!) The posts on Mondays will be encouragement and tips to keep our marriage (or if you’re not married, your relationships) healthy.

Farm Friday: Another huge passion of mine is agriculture. Only 1.6% of the US population is involved in production agriculture. I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly of farming. It is my passion to share that all with you.

Then for Wednesday. This is the one I struggled with. I know my marriage and farming are two things I want and can talk about weekly. But what else? Wednesday started out as Wealth Wednesday, but after a brainstorm with My Forever where I just talked the whole time and he looked at me, Wild Wednesday was born. (That’s how all our brainstorming sessions go. He’ll throw out maybe 3-4 words or if I’m lucky a whole sentence and suddenly everything makes sense!) While we’re both very passionate about our money and not living in debt, I’m passionate about so much more than that. We decided Wednesday would be my day to do anything-hence Wild Wednesday (#wildwednesdaytpstyle). Who knows what the topic might be!

As always, we would love to hear from you on any suggestions or topics you would like covered. We’re open to anything and everything. I’m not shy about covering just about any topic. If there is something you’re going through and need some tips to get through it, let me know! If you’re going through it, somebody else is. My love language is words of affirmation so am overly excited and delighted when you comment or send me some love! My Forever really appreciates it too because it takes some pressure off him! No subject is off limits! We’ll fit it into Marriage Monday or Farm Friday and guess what?! If it doesn’t fit in one of those, we’ll throw it in Wild Wednesday.

Thank you for being along for this journey with us!

What is Marriage Monday?

We grow up on fairy tales. Princess finds Prince, go through problems, but ultimately end up living happily ever after-coasting through life with very few cares.

I’ve got my Prince found, we’ve gone through problems, but still haven’t found the coasting point where we live happily ever after with no more problems.

Girls dream of their wedding day since they are very young. Wearing the beautiful white dress, walking down the aisle with all their friends and family looking on, the flowers, the cake, the first dance, we dream of it all. Weddings should be the first day of the rest of your life. We dream so much about the wedding, we often don’t realize the work that marriages take. We think after the wedding that life will be perfect. Then the first fight happens and we can’t believe what is happening.

There are 7-9 billion people on this planet. I’m not one (and My Forever is quite aware of this) that believe there is one person for everyone and we all have our one true soul mate in life. Seriously, 9 BILLION people. By the time I got married I had maybe met .00001% to .000001% (I really did the math) of these 9 billion people. I was 21 years old when I got married. 21 folks. I didn’t have a freaking clue about life, let alone picking a soul mate out of 9 billion people.

BUT, I do believe in my commitment. My number one priority in life is my marriage. I believe marriage is less about finding your soul mate and more about committing to the person you chose and going through hell, high water and drought (drought might be worse than high water for farmers) with that person. I am a very firm believer it’s less about finding ‘the one’ and more about working with the ‘someone’ you chose.

Divorce isn’t an option in our marriage. My Forever’s vows are pinned to my desk so every time I sit at my desk, they are right there. Our life is less about being perfect and more about working through our shit. We have problems, ya’ll. Shocking! We work together, in a very high stress, multi-generational family operation, daily! We have problems coming out our ears. But, we have both agreed that divorce is not an option. We will work through it, together…forever.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re in an abusive situation—get out now! I am not speaking to those that are in dangerous and harmful situations. You know who you are and you need to get out and get help if you are in that situation.

Mondays will be dedicated to marriages. If you aren’t married, I do think you will still find value in #MarriageMondayTPstyle. We will be doing a series of pieces dedicated to the top reasons for divorce in America and how to combat it. I believe in practical approaches and doable skills to implement right away. If you’re on year 1 or year 80, we have to continually fight to have a great relationship so we don’t wake up next to a stranger one day in our future.

Some topics that will be covered in the coming weeks: sex, money, communication, date nights, infidelity,etc. Marriage is incredibly hard work, but it’s all worth it! With these posts I hope to give inspiration and hope that marriages can be great and get better with time!