My Forever and I have been married for over 5 years at this point. (We got married in October 2013, just in case you’re reading this after original post date.) Our jobs are the farm, so we work together daily. We farm with his family. Him and his father make a lot of the managerial decisions. I’m really just hired help with a healthy dose of attitude and opinions most days. Some days I really struggle with the number of hours I work to further My Forever’s dreams and the lack of input that I get into making decisions. But here’s the thing…and I have to remind myself of this constantly…I’m CHOOSING to be here and doing what I’m doing. My Forever loves to tell me to do whatever I want. He is not holding me hostage and keeping me here. I want to work alongside him. I want to be there for him. But, life is hard. I get bitter about being left out of decisions. I get bitter about finding out things second hand because he’s forgotten to tell me.
Life is stressful. Days are long. Stress is high 100% of the time. I’m actually stealing away a few minutes to write this blog before headed to go work the rest of the day. If I don’t make time, it doesn’t happen. I can guarantee that My Forever wouldn’t be upset about me taking the 20 minutes it takes to write this, so that I will work much later at night. We’ve finally reached the point that we’re beginning to understand that BOTH of us have things that bother us. If we simply allow the other to tackle that particular thing, we can be more present when we’re together.
Back to the topic. Life is stressful. How do we work together and not severely hurt each other? Ready for this? This is our secret. Okay, here it is. Sex. Yep, good and regular sex. I’m a big advocate of sex in marriage. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I made My Forever commit to me before he got my body. Once he said, together…forever, in our marriage vows on our wedding day, I was his. Sex is a beautiful thing between two married people that have committed to eternity through hell or high water.
We try living the intimacy lifestyle that I believe was coined by One Extraordinary Marriage. (Listen to their weekly podcast for some marriage tips from a couple that has been married 20 plus years.) Our intimacy lifestyle is designed around sex twice a week with him initiating one of those times on his days and me initiating on one of my days. We have the week broke up so we know. There is enough uncertainty in our lives, love making should not be one of them. Nobody likes to be rejected. Therefore, with each of us being on board with sex at least twice a week with each of us initiating once each week, there is little room for rejection.
Ladies, can I talk to you for just a hot second? Sex should be fun. Sex shouldn’t be something we avoid or withhold because we’re punishing our husband. Love making doesn’t start in the bedroom for me. It starts in the morning when My Forever tells me good morning. When he texts me as we’re working in the same field, but in different tractors, and tells me I look good. It starts when he holds my hand as we walk to the truck to haul hay. It starts when he asks me how my day was when we get it home. It starts with a back rub, thanking me for my hard day of work. Sometimes I have to use up some extra words I have and he has to listen to me for a while. But the thing is, Matt had to learn this about me. Men think so much different from us women that he had to learn to understand how to get me present when he was ready. I had to tell him very plainly with my words what I needed throughout the day so I was ready for him at night or morning or noon, whenever. We work together, we have that freedom. Women, we have to tell them in words so that they understand what we need in order to give to them. We cannot assume they know, just because it’s in our heads. I can guarantee they don’t! Give them a break and tell them exactly what you need! In and outside the bedroom. Don’t leave it to guesswork. You’re marriage is WAY too important to do that.
Figure out what works for you and your lifestyle. We could talk for hours on the health benefits of sex for both partners, but this is long enough already. Seriously, sex should be an essential part of your marriage that neither partner withholds. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of! If there are too many hurts to get through on your own, go to a counselor. We hire personal trainers at the gym, life coaches, business mentors, etc, but therapy is considered for the weak. That’s not true!! The most accomplished and brilliant people believe in therapy. Do not be ashamed to go to counseling.
Do you remember that second at the alter on your wedding day that you looked at the person that you were vowing to spend forever with in front of all your friends and family, and you literally felt like you were breaking because of all the love you felt for this person. Don’t let life and stress take that away from you. Fight for your marriage. Nobody else is going to do it for you. Marriage is really really hard work, but so worth it!