How Do You Know Your Love Language

Knowing how to express love to your partner considerably increases the chances of your spouse feeling your love. In a world of personality tests and enneagrams, you need to understand why the 5 Love Languages are still so important. 

Gary Chapman wrote, “The 5 love Languages” book and has revolutionized how to communicate with our spouses. This is an older book and at this point there are a ton of newer material and resources out there besides this. 

I get easily overwhelmed with things I don’t know about. I’ve heard talk about enneagrams for a long time, but have never dipped my toe into that world. Why? Because, I need simple and concise and 9 numbers to remember and learn is too complicated for me right now. The five love languages make sense to me and I can remember and use them in my daily life. 

What is my partners love language?

Matt and I both took the free 5 Love Languages quiz online (https://www.5lovelanguages.com). I wasn’t surprised with my results, but was with his. I highly encourage you to take the super quick and easy quiz. While verifying the website, I saw they now have an apology language quiz that looked interesting. 

The 5 love languages:

1. Words of Affirmation: Just what it sounds like. People that have this as one of their primary love languages feel most loved and appreciated when you are using words to tell them. We like hearing how much you love us, what we’re doing right and how much you appreciate us. This one is huge for me. I attribute it to my mom. Growing up she was the best at telling us how valued we were, how accomplished we were and how we did good. She never hung up the telephone without saying I love you. It’s important to me. 
2. Physical Touch: Do not think sex. Physical touch is the hand holding, arm around shoulders, pat on the back, hand resting on leg, etc. Whenever Matt puts his arm around me or holds my hand, I feel love. Most nights I fall asleep touching his arm or back. 
3. Quality Time: People that feel love this way want time with their partners. They feel loved and connected when they are together. 
4. Acts of Service: Doing all the things for your partner is how they feel love. Putting away the dishes, folding laundry, getting up in the middle of the night with the baby, getting groceries, etc. 
5. Gifts: People feel most loved when they are getting gifts randomly, not just for the holidays. They love opening and being presented with items and tokens of your love. 

Marriage is hard work.

Remember, we are all complex individuals. You probably feel love at some point or another when your partner expresses all these things, but most of us have a dominate language or two. Often we express our love in the way that we want to receive love. The fun part of this quiz is that you will have black and white what makes your spouse feel your love. Just because my second top love language is physical touch and I hold Matt’s hand and have an arm around him in public doesn’t mean he’s going to feel more love for me. I’m projecting my love language on him. 

Try to love in the way they want to receive love. For example, acts of service isn’t a huge thing for me. When Matt fixes the ice maker and puts the dishes away, I don’t feel a huge surge of love for him. To me, he’s simply doing his part as a cohabiter (is that even a word?) in this house. If he’s trying to express and show me how much he loves me, he’s going to get a lot farther by telling me what he admires about me. 

As I say almost daily, marriage is hard freaking work. You have to put time and effort into it or you wind up roommates and nobody wants that in a marriage.

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~Matt & Kelsey