Forever is a long, long time. When we walk down the aisle and pledge the rest of our life to somebody, that’s a long time. I meant it when I said it and I hope you did too. For those of us already living out our happily ever afters, this isn’t for you. We have kissed our last frog. These tips are for those of you that are living in single land. Seriously, put the work in first before walking down the aisle.
I have 3 considerations for you when contemplating forever with your person:
- MANNERS-Is he a gentleman? Is she a lady? Does he open the doors for you? (I know super archaic, but really does he? Matt opens doors for me, mostly and it makes me smile every time. It’s not that I can’t do it myself, he just cares enough to take care of me in that way all while expecting me to change my own flat tires. I’ll take what I can get.) Does she make you feel like more of a man? Does he tell you, you’re beautiful? It’s the little things and if you aren’t doing it while dating, I highly doubt it’s going to happen when you’re married.
- FAMILY-Y’all it’s super true, you’re marrying each other’s family too. His mom isn’t going to change. Her dad isn’t going to suddenly think you’re good enough for his baby girl. Are going to be able to eat turkey on Thanksgiving together? If not, you need to have that discussion before walking down the aisle. Things don’t magically change after you have rings on your fingers. Have the tough conversations before pledging forever.
- POTATO CHIPS-Watch your partner each potato chips before getting married. I said before it’s too late for those of us already hitched. I tell My Forever all the time that if I would have seen him eat chips before we got married, we wouldn’t be married. I CANNOT stand it. He turns in to a cave man when he eats chips. Like shoving handfuls in his mouth and 3/4 of them fall out all over the floor or wherever he’s eating. It drives me batty. It’s a joke between the two of us at this point. No getting out now, might as well laugh. But in all seriousness, the little things that we think are adorable while dating often turn in to the things that we can’t stand as a married couple.
I hope you work to improve yourselves as individuals and a couple, but DO NOT expect change to happen in your partner. If you’re pledging the rest of your life to somebody in the hopes they will just do this different, don’t do it. I want to say people don’t change, but that’s not true, we do. But you can’t force change on another person.
All of these were meant in a truly light-hearted manner. I’m all for people being happy. I believe we all deserve this, but I think so many of us give up too early on our marriages because we think life is supposed to be perfect and when it’s not, we run. Nothing about my life is perfect. Nothing. But I love the man I’m married to with all my heart, even when he’s eating chips. Embrace the other’s “flaws” and roll with them. If something bothers you, you’d better be willing to discuss it with your partner in a kind and respectful way.
What would you add to this list?
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~Matt & Kelsey