Dear Mr. Farmer-

Dear Mr. Farmer, 

You are a selfish asshat. 

As your wife, I need you to understand that. 

Just this week alone I have done 432 things for you, 48 of which were far outside my comfort zone. I did them because they needed done and you were too busy to do them. I did them because while I currently can’t stand you, the baby calf that needed fed didn’t know that you were being a jerk to me. I did them because I chose to walk this life with you and some days just really suck. I did them because I chose to help. 

What I didn’t choose was how you would critique the way I did them. Rather than saying thank you for taking that off my plate, you instead told me it wasn’t done right. You yelled at me for how I drove the combine in between fields incorrectly. You complained about your lunch not arriving when your stomach was hungry. You mentioned the cows that were close to being out of mineral because I’m too tired at night to remember to get mineral for the next day. 

I, contrary to your belief, get it. I understand the stress you have. How hard you’re worrying about the crops not being in yet, the calves not being weaned, the weather being crazy, whether to sell or store grain and whether to feed the calves this winter or sell now. I know you don’t think I understand the stress you have, but I do. I know I don’t want to make those decisions. I know that I think you’re the best thing to walk this Earth. I know that we think so differently. I know. I try. 

What I need you to also understand that even though I don’t have those stresses, I have my own. There are bills that you don’t even know we have. There are dishes, laundry and food to make. There are cows that need a close eye. The chickens are dying every time I let them out, but do I lock them in or let them out where they’re happy? I worry about the lack of time I spend with my family and the dirty looks I get when I suggest date nights. I have goals for the blog and freelance writing that needs done while I’m working 14 hour days alongside you. The house hasn’t been properly cleaned in who knows how long. My rings need cleaned in order to keep the warranty up. I have things too. I know that you think “my” things are dumb and not important. Sometimes I think you stress about unimportant things as well. 

Mr. Farmer, I need you to understand that this life is very, very short. Your priorities are vastly different from mine. We normally balance each other out, but the busy seasons it’s hard. The farm is always #1 on your mind and it’s hard for me to compete with it. Telling me that I don’t care about the farm doesn’t help. Telling me that I was stupid for not thinking of something the way you do, doesn’t help. Telling me to do something I’ve told you I don’t want to do, but doing it anyways, then you not liking how I did it, doesn’t help. 

I’m tired. I’m tired of competing with the farm. I’m tired of the long days with no end in sight. I’m tired of you not seeing what I’m going through. I’m tired of constantly trying and trying and trying with no thanks from you. 

Mr. Farmer, do I really think you are a selfish asshat? No. I love you. I love you with my whole entire being. I love how sexy you are. I love how much you care about your piece of this Earth. I love that you want to work hard. I love that you are you. Just please, say thank you every once in a while. Try understanding when something makes me nervous and why that might be. Remember that while you love having things done and things appearing when you need them, I’m behind that. I’m trying for you. Please try for me. 

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~Matt & Kelsey