How to find and choose friends
A few months ago, I won a gift card to a local casino’s steakhouse. It had an expiration date and there was no way I was going to let this one pass by. One rainy night Matt and I headed to the casino. It was a middle of the week night, no huge crowds and not a “normal” date night so there was quite a bit of room in the restaurant.
We were seated in a little alcove where we could people watch and talk over our made up stories of their lives, but far enough away that it was intimately nice. We had ordered and were enjoying the bread when an older couple got seated at a table for six right behind us. I love people watching so my attention was immediately drawn to this couple. Old couples that appear in love really intrigue me.
Before long, two more couples joined. Each getting louder and more showy. We’re in small town America and this casino is located on the nearby Indian Reservation in the middle of literally no where. It’s 15 minutes from a town. This casino is a destination for some. From what I gathered this friend group meets there once a year to catch up.
Some of you are enthralled with this story, while the majority are furious that I was eavesdropping/people watching We were in a space that was separated off from the rest of the dining area. There was no way not to listen, just to defend ourselves a little bit.
The waiter appeared and everybody ordered a drink or a bottle of wine for a couple. In between the stories of disappointing rooms and subpar weather for the golf game that afternoon, entree orders were placed and discussed.
Then came the discussion of a missing friend who apparently had lost her husband, through death or divorce I wasn’t sure. Again, I didn’t want to be listening. I wanted to have a nice, rare date night with my husband. I wanted to intimately talk to him about all sorts of things not related to this party. There wasn’t enough room for the waiter to get in between Matt’s chair and the man’s chair behind him. We were that close. And then I heard a line that scarred that date night for all times.
The conversation about the missing woman continued with the polite, we miss her talk. Then who had talked to her last and what had she sounded like. It was decided she hadn’t been going out as much and was becoming a homebody. Then one of the men proclaimed that it had been over a year and she simply needed to, “get over it.” Considering the comment came from a man that had proven to be less than tactful and a little insensitive already in the conversation, I was set to ignore it. Then the rest of the friend group, every single one of the remaining five, agreed that indeed she was drawing it out and needed to move on.
What?! Granted I have zero idea what this lady was actually “getting over”. I have zero idea who this lady is. What I do know is that this group of “friends” were sitting in a restaurant not minding who was overhearing as they progressively got louder the lower the wine bottle got agreeing that this lady had been through a lot, but deciding that it had been over a year and she needed to let it go. A group of friends that appeared to have been friends for years was casually dismissing this missing woman’s agreed upon pain.
I walked away from that dinner my head reeling. This lady could have been mourning the death of her goldfish for a year, I really have no idea. What I know is this “friend” group had zero qualms about discussing her without her being present in a very unflattering and unkind way. There was no sympathy or discussion of how to make this woman’s life better.
Five things to take from this:
- When you’re sitting in very close quarters with other people, don’t talk loudly if you don’t want to ruin their dinner.
- Life is hard enough without your friends stabbing you in the back while you aren’t there.
- True friends are pure gold. You don’t need a lot of them, just a few that will be there for you.
- Sympathy and love above all else.
- There are two sides to every story. I could be an eavesdropping jerk and have this all completely out of context and blowing everything out of proportion.
Moral of the blog, you never know. Pick your friends wisely. Find ones that will have your back and never let them go. Life will be easier.
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