No. Today alone, I have heard that word approximately zero times. How about you? First, for parents, let’s disregard your children’s questions/answers for this and apply this only to adult to adult interactions. Okay, let’s flip it. How many times have you said no? I’m going to guess, it’s pretty limited. This world is run on volunteers. Everybody and their cousin needs you to volunteer your time, money, resources, etc for something. We’re constantly being asked to do something — for school, church, community organizations, etc. Are you getting anxiety just talking about being asked to do something and not being able to say no?
We’re scared to say no. Saying no means disappointing somebody else. How many times have you told somebody, ‘yes’, but screaming in your head, ‘no’!’? Women are notoriously nurturers. We want to take care of everybody in our lives. When somebody asks something else of us, we immediately reply with ‘yes, of course I can tackle that’. But if we took a good hard look at what we’re already doing, the correct answer would have to be no. We think we’re terrible people if we say no to anything, let alone a really great cause.
Why should we say no? To maintain our sanity! We need to take care of ourselves and our families before we try taking care of anyone else. Most of us would say we are doing that, but take an honest and deep look at yourself. When was the last time you slept for 8 hours for at least a week straight? When was the last time you exercised consistently? When was the last time you ate food that fueled your body rather than the fast food that you had to grab on the way to the next activity? In order to be our best selves, we have to be doing all of those things and doing them consistently. Those are the biggest factor to healthy bodies and minds — sleep, diet and exercise. Yes, there are thousands, probably millions, of people that don’t do these and live for years and years, but are they happy? I don’t know about you, but that’s what I want — happiness. I want the time and energy to help others, but in order to do that we must have our own shit together first.
At this point, I hope I’ve convinced you to say no and take care of you and your family first. I’m not telling you to say no to everything, but take a careful look and consideration into how much is asked of you. Remember, just because you say no now doesn’t mean you can’t say yes later. Only say yes to the things that truly fuel your energy and passion. Things that don’t take you away from the goals that you have for yourself and your life.
How can we say no while keeping the relationship thriving? How can we say no, but still be involved? If possible, donate money instead of your time. Again, this comes down to first taking care of your own finances before helping others. For those biblically based folks, that is straight from the bible. If asked for a time commitment, gently say, ‘I can’t do that long, but I can do (fill in the blank) amount of time instead’. Don’t make excuses, simply be honest. If it’s a yearly event, have them put you on the list to check with next year to see if it’s possible then.
Here’s the thing…I have been involved in clubs and organizations since I could walk. I was/am an officer in all the organizations I have been in. I have volunteered my time, labor and energy since I could walk and Mom brought us (my two older sisters and I) along with her. Since getting married, I have continued being involved in community organizations that I’m passionate about. I have served on state committees and been on numerous local boards. I say that not to show off, but simply to be honest about how hard it is for me to say no. Recently, I’ve been evaluating what I want in life. The farm takes so many hours of my time, I really have to manage my remaining hours. Each time, I’m asked to be on a new board or help out with anything, I take time to evaluate where it falls on my priority list. Sometimes, I simply have to say no and move on. You are not a bad person if you say no. Let me repeat — you are not a bad person if you say no. Friend, you have got to do you. The world needs YOU! You have to take care of yourself first so you can give yourself later. Do give when you get to that point. Help the events/organizations that are special to you. We will all do better if we commit to saying no to some, so the things we do say yes to can be completed with excellence!
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