Category: Marriage

Have you dreamed about a day that you and your spouse could spend the days together? Build your own business, together? Work side by side, day in and day out. There are so many couples “making” it in the world and doing their own thing together.

My Forever and I are very lucky to be able to work together on his family’s farm. Both of us are full-time (I say full-time sarcastically because it’s about 100 plus hour per week gig) on the farm.

I’ve compiled a list of a few things that we do to make working together successful:

1. Communication is so cliche, but for real.
2. Refer back to Lierz’ Philosophy of Life in the Wild Wednesday category: Unmet expectations are the reason we get upset. For example, today (Sunday) is the day I write blogs for the week, plan meals, wash our bed and in general get ready for the week. Because we had a wedding yesterday and Matt didn’t get his list done, I helped in the shop. Middle afternoon, I had a conversation with Matt about what I needed done before going to sleep and when I was going to leave to get those things accomplished. An hour and half after my agreed upon leaving time, I was still there. He’s pitching in more than normal to ensure that I get done what I need to get done. My expectation to leave on time didn’t get met so I got a little angry. But, he’s going above and beyond to thank me for the extra time I spent with him to get his project near completion.
3. Patience, again cliche, but real.
4. Humor, laughing (in the moment or sometimes much later).
5. Sex. I’ve said it a million times in the short time we’ve done this blog. It’s real hard to have sex twice or more a week when you’re mad at them all the time. Having the expectation of sex that often, forces us to work through our issues in real time.

This week is our anniversary week. Saturday we will celebrate six years of wedded bliss. This week is going to be focused on our story and how we got to where we are. Working together is a huge part of our lives!

How long have you and your spouse been married?

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! 

#1: Positive Self Talk

Ladies, when was the last time you looked in the mirror and the negative self talk kicked in? My stomach isn’t flat, my boobs sag, my thighs are too thick, etc.

My Forever is the king of taking my pajamas out of the bathroom while I’m showering and replacing it with his favorite lingerie. I swear he’s part Indian. He can do it without me hearing. I’ve even locked the door!

The last thing I want after looking in the mirror is to put on basically non-existent scraps of material that isn’t going to cover any of my imperfections. Most of the time I do it anyway. When I step out of our bathroom, I guarantee he’s not thinking about the imperfections I just saw.

Ladies, when your man asks (or implies by stealing your PJ’s) that he wants to see you in some lingerie, DO IT! Then go one step further and put it on without him asking. Your man isn’t seeing the imperfections you see. Your man is seeing the love of his life that is wearing his favorite lingerie. Your man is anticipating the action he is about to get. Don’t take that away from either of you by thinking or saying anything negative about your body.

#2: Light a Candle/Set the Mood

I’ve talked before about setting up a schedule for sex. Break up the week so each of you have a few days for initiating. Understand how many times per week you anticipate having sex. Make sure it’s not the same person doing all the initiating.

Accidentally, I have trained my body to “be in the mood” when I smell a certain scent. When we got married, we received a candle for a present. It ended up in the bedroom and that is the scent I now associate with sex. I love candles for love making and My Forever knows that. He could not care less about a whether there’s a candle burning or whether the overhead light is on. He, however, knows that I care very much. It’s all about the little things that skip the argument and get directly to the fun stuff.

#3: Talk about Sex

It’s hard to improve on something when you have no idea what your partner did and didn’t like. Friends, we need to quit being so shy about talking sex with our spouses. Tell them what you like. Reinforce the good things. If you’re going to outright say you didn’t like something, do it nicely. Don’t kill their self-esteem.

#4: Try Something New

Try a new position. Try having sex in a new room. Try a different time of day. Try new things. What happens in your sex life is between you and your partner. Some grow up thinking having sex or doing new things is cause for a removal of your “good girl” card. It’s not true. Sex is a beautiful thing. Marriage doesn’t mean losing your sex life. Your sex life should increase in quality the longer you are married.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you! 

When was the last time you and your spouse had some R&R time? No, sleeping beside each other for 6 hours a night doesn’t count. Like really set aside some real rest and relaxation time. I’m not talking going on vacation. I’m talking in your own house even while the laundry isn’t folded and the dishes are still dirty? 

Sitting down and relaxing doesn’t happen much with My Forever, just like I presume it doesn’t happen very much with your spouse. We are all so busy with everything that even if you do sit down, you immediately feel guilty. 

This week, I’m giving your permission. Do you remember Lierz’ Philosophy of Life from Wild Wednesdays in August? His goal in life is to be lazy. Yep, you read that correctly. He wants to be lazy. He wants to farm, but have the fence line feed bunks that he can just drive his new tractor and feeder down along beside to look at his cows, etc. Sounds like a life goal that I can adopt. 

Even, and maybe especially, when we’re in the middle of the craziness of life and it doesn’t seem like it’s ever going to be done, that my dear, is exactly when you need to pay attention to your spouse. 

Being farmers, the reality is there is always something to be done. ALWAYS. We could literally work every single second of every single day and still not get everything done. Choices have to be made. Life isn’t about working all the time. It’s about the moments you have and get to make. Sometimes those moments are made working side by side with Matt. Sometimes those moments are made sitting side by side. As we come off a holiday week last week and start into full weeks again, my hope for you and your spouse is that you take some time to simply be together. Sit by each other and watch the sunrise or sunset. Forget the dishes or laundry for just a little bit and just tune into your spouse. 

If you don’t want to end up roommates with your spouse, you have to do the little things that most aren’t doing. Marriage is work and sometimes that work means simply sitting and being with your Forever. 

This past week, we were scheduled to go to a dinner on Thursday night. My mom called me that afternoon and asked if I could come help Kayla (my sister) finish up some cattle stuff because Mom was sick and things still needed done.

I headed down, took Mom’s dog (Bella) to the vet that was sick and then dropped Bella back off at the house after the vet visit. Then I headed down to the cattle pen to help Kayla finish up. I remember talking to My Forever on the way down there, still on schedule to meet him at the dinner we were going to, though running a little late.

When I got to the pen with Kayla, I remember doctoring two calves. I can distinctly see her and I standing side by side with two calves pushed into a corner and I gave each of them their medicine.

That is the last thing I remember until the ER room and seeing Margaret.

Apparently, Garett (Kayla’s husband) showed up before the accident happened, but I don’t remember him being there. A calf kicked both back feet up, bucking bull style and caught me in the jaw. It was with enough force that it gave my brain a good shaking up.

Kayla and Garett called Matt to come get me. They took me to my parents. Matt met them there and got me in the pickup to go to ER. Apparently, he was trying to help me put my seatbelt on and I told him I wasn’t an invalid.

On the ride into the hospital, I apparently kept asking Matt the same questions over and over about every mile. Apparently, I was shocked every mile that my oldest sister, Kristen, is pregnant again. (She told us in July at the kids’ birthday party so I definitely knew that for over a month). I forgot that Matt’s sister delivered her newest baby a month ago. (Apparently I asked this of Margaret, Matt’s mom, again in the ER and she told me the baby was born the 27th which I told her was also Autumn’s, my niece, birthday).

They moved me into a room to watch overnight. I don’t remember moving to the room. I remember who came to see me that night, but not the conversation. I remember washing my hair in the shower at the hospital, but not drying off and putting on my pajamas. (Matt was there to help me.) I remember the nurse waking me up 3 or 4 times in the night. I remember who was there the next morning, but no conversation. I remember the doctor coming in to see me, but not what he asked. I remember talking to one of my best friends from high school (she was a nurse on duty) the next morning as she released me, but not all of the conversation. (She was also there when I arrived at the ER, but I don’t remember her at all from that night). I remember people calling me the next day, but only snippets of what we talked about. I remember checking cows on the way home from hospital, but not remembering how we got to each pasture. I had to go back through calls and texts from the previous couple days because I didn’t remember doing some things and agreeing to other stuff.

This is the second time that I’ve had a concussion. (I was a lot younger when the first one happened). The brain is a very funny thing and something we don’t take nearly good enough care of. I have been around cattle almost everyday of my life. I was literally raised around cattle. My mom taught us how to act and behave around cattle at a very, very young age. We were taught how to avoid injuries and stupid things happening because we were doing stupid things.

Here’s the takeaway…the calf that kicked me was almost blind. They said I didn’t do anything wrong, it was just a fluke incident that the calf got spooked, kicked both back feet up and my head happened to be in the way. It wasn’t the calf’s fault and it wasn’t mine and it wasn’t Kayla or Garett’s. It was simply a matter of an individual being reacting to something and causing something else to happen.

While they have told me that it was scary for a few hours while I kept repeating questions over and over again, I never forgot who anybody was. I knew I was married to Matt and who all my family/friends were. I am recovering amazingly well. We’re having fall babies and Matt checked them on the way home from the hospital while I sat in the pickup, but I went on the four wheeler that night with him and checked them on my own the next morning. We have caught up on the lost sleep at the hospital. We’re thankful for the calls, texts and food drop offs. We’re thankful we have so many people that love and care about us.

I’m still taking it a little easier and avoiding electronics as much as I can, but am doing great. I have a little bump and bruise under my jaw where the calf kicked me and a little spot on my arm that is raw from where I might have tried to catch myself on the way down. Other than that, I have no bruises, marks or hurts.

This will not keep me away from cattle or doing this same thing again. Accidents happen. While I love the idea of wrapping all my loved ones up in bubble wrap and preventing anything from happening to them, that’s not how life is meant to be. Accidents are going to happen while living life. We can’t live scared and miss out on the most amazing experiences. Again, thank you all for the thoughts, calls, texts and food! You are amazing people and we’re blessed to have you around us!

Last week one of our core values was date nights. I say ‘our’ a little lightly. Date nights mean so much to me. We get away from the farm once a year for vacation. Date nights are the things that keep me going in the hard times. These five steps will get you to the perfect date night experience and skip the fighting over where you’re going to eat or what you’re going to do.

1. Plan your date out. Are you going out or staying in? If going out, know exactly where you’re going, book the reservation, babysitter and have a plan. If you’re staying in, are you getting delivery, cooking dinner yourself (plan out your meal and go to grocery store if you are), watching a movie after dinner? Whatever it is, plan it out! Don’t ask your spouse what he/she wants to do. If you’re going to the trouble of planning a date, I’m going to assume that you’re taking your partners feelings into perspective.
2. Ask your partner out. Yes, just like you’re in high school or college and going on your first date. While on vacation, I asked Matt to go on a date with me. It doesn’t have to be the man asking the woman. Ladies, ask your man out. Make him feel desired.
3. Get ready. Do you remember getting ready for your first dates with your partner? The effort you went to. The thought you put into what you were going to wear both on the outside and underneath your clothes, the time for hair and makeup, cleaning your vehicle out, buying flowers, etc. Do those things again. These things are not just for first dates. Do them anytime you go on a date!
4. Have sex. Yep. I said that. We’re about 30-45 minutes from the town that we go to on dates. We work long hours. I’m tired y’all. By the time we go eat supper and do some activity whether that’s a movie or mini-golf or simply some shopping, I’m ready to go to sleep on the drive home. Date nights=sex in our marriage most of the time. Don’t ruin an otherwise perfect date night by being too tired at the end of the night. Make sex a priority and do it before going out. But watch out ladies, make sure you do still go out after he’s pleasantly satiated and he wants to sit in his recliner!
5. Enjoy. Go on your date. Talk about things other than the kids or work. Dream together. Laugh together. Do all the things and enjoy being married and having somebody to go out with.

Date nights are pure hell for Matt. He hates planning, he hates leaving the farm. He’s finally understanding how important they are to me after 6 years of marriage. To make things less stressful for both of us and preventing date nights to turning into fights, we have a lot of in home dinner dates. Our meals are cheaper, more delicious and healthy. We can still dress up, but can kick our shoes (and more) off for the movie portion of the night. When we do go out, we go to the same restaurant, order the same thing. We don’t like trying new places. We like the same place. We don’t argue about it. We know where we’re going and what we’re going to do and it’s amazing. With so much chaos in our lives, having a date night that is the same is perfection to us.

The joy of marriage is that you are in yours and I’m in mine. Because something works for us, doesn’t mean it will for you. If you like trying new places, do it. If you don’t, then don’t. The important thing is to continue going on date night. Don’t forget the special event a date night is.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you!

This past week Matt and I went on vacation! Vacations are sweet chunks of time to get you through everyday life. Have you been on a vacation this year? Planning one before the kids go back to school? My hope is that you do find the time to get away and enjoy.

Vacations, for us, are a struggle and fight until we’re 3-4 hours away from home. Vacations are work! We’re thankful and blessed to work with his family so we can share the responsibility. When Henry and Margaret are gone, they know we’re going to do chores and take care of the farm. When we leave, we know they will. Matt loves what he is doing! It’s really hard to get him away. Once we’re away, we love it.

I thought I would do a recap of what we learned while on vacation from a marriage point of view.

1. Matt is a terrible navigator and doesn’t like to drive. I am prepared and expect this now. I am convinced Matt is hypnotized. He can fall asleep with the snap of fingers. He likes to look around and sleep when we’re in the car. That leaves me to both drive and navigate which works fine until it doesn’t. He did drive (and it’s proven on the time stamps on receipts between getting gas and lunch) for a grand total of 1 hour and 29 minutes. I’m slowly learning to roll with the flow and not be too upset when we turn wrong.
2. We both really like to do absolutely nothing on vacation. We pick a spot that is secluded and private and just be. This drives so many people crazy! Not us! We love simply being alone, not doing anything. So much of our life is busy and running and doing all the things. Not on vacation. We find a spot with a hot tub, that’s beautiful and just sit. We watch movies, we cook our own food and we spend a whole lot of time doing nothing.
3. Matt’s intake of food is directly related to his outflow of energy. When we’re home and working, he will eat 3 cheeseburgers in one sitting and be hungry in just a few hours. When we’re on vacation, he can eat nothing or everything. I eat the same times and about the same amounts every day, whether working or not. He eats far less than I do on vacation because he’s not expending much energy. Who does that?!?
4. We watch movies. A huge waste of time for some people, but we both really enjoy snuggling, grabbing some popcorn and watching a funny movie that makes us laugh. We watch hours of tv on vacation and we love it.
5. It’s a fight to get Matt on vacation every year. For 5 days and 4 nights, I have to fight with him every. single. year. That’s the only time he leaves the farm. The only time he’s willing to sit in a hot tub and relax. The only time he’s willing to watch movies all day long. And I treasure every single second.

We’ve found what works for us. Should we go visit family we don’t get to see, except when they come back to Kansas. Yes. However, 5 days. That’s how often I get Matt to myself for 365 days. The rest of those 360, he loves me yes, but he’s not like he is for 5 days. And I’m selfish and want that to myself. Friends, you do not have to apologize for what works for you and your spouse. I’m going to be incredibly selfish, for the sake of our marriage, and enjoy every last second of these 5 days with him. Whatever your escape from real life is, may you cherish it and not ruin it by creating unnecessary fights.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you!

Role Models in Our Marriage

Denny and Donna Ashcraft

This week is an introduction to some people that have been role models to me in marriage, life and farming. So often we are caught in the comparison trap with social media as prevalent as it is. We get stuck thinking we’re not enough, we don’t measure up, we won’t ever be ready, we won’t ever do it right, etc.

There’s a commercial airing on a local radio station about a woman that took her car to the mechanic because it wouldn’t go over 40 mph. The mechanic found a squirrel had filled something full of nuts preventing the car from going over 40. (I never pay attention to what actual car part it was.) Once cleaned out, the car ran just like new. It’s a commercial for a church and goes on to talk about what we need to clean out of our lives to make us just like new.

What are we watching? Who are we emulating? Marriage is hard enough as it is. But when you throw people in that are anti-marriage and they are the ones you are spending the most time with, do you think you’re going to continue thinking happy and positive thoughts about marriage?

Do you have a couple that you want to be like when you grow up? Every time you see them, they are holding hands or laughing. First, it’s hardly ever what it appears to be. Everybody goes home to closed doors. No marriage is easy, no matter how it looks. Some of those people wind up divorced and you are rocked to the core wondering how the perfect couple ended up just a statistic.

One of those couple that I want to be like is my first cousin and her husband, Donna and Denny. My parents had us later in life so we actually grew up with our second cousins. Most think our first cousins are our aunts. Denny and Donna have been married for 30 plus years, maybe closer to 35?

Because this blog is getting long enough, here is my bulleted list of why I love their marriage:

• Honesty-They don’t try to deny that marriage is hard or that they fight and disagree.
• Laughter-I’m sure there has never been a time that I have seen them both together that they haven’t laughed together about something. They find the humor in life.
• Respect and Love-I know it’s super cliche, but true in my view of their marriage. Donna respects Denny and acknowledges that by building him up in conversations. She talks about his latest accomplishments in their favorite activity of dog training. Denny loves Donna. He does the little things that makes every girls’ heart swoon. He asks her to dance to romantic songs in the moonlight (a story that was told to Matt and I on our wedding day). He opens doors for her. He picks her phone and important things she leaves behind because she’s ready to conquer the next activity and forgets silly things like phones.
• Physical Touch-Maybe this is just because physical touch is my second highest love language that I notice this, but they are always holding hands. While sitting they are normally touching somehow. Like I said, it’s probably because it rates so high in my love languages that I notice it. But I think it’s adorable.
• Their Looks-This one is my favorite and wasn’t sure what to title it. Again super cliche, but when they look at each other, it just looks like love. Their eyes smile. They look happy. They look like they have it figured out.

Again, every marriage goes home to closed doors. They could have the absolute worst marriage, but since I’m privileged to call them family and grew up around them, I don’t think they are faking it that well. I think they really love each other. I think they really put in the work that it takes to wake up next to the person you married and love them 35 years later. I think they have their battles, but I think they have learned to work through them with respect for each other. I think they’re honest with each other about what works and doesn’t work and not let it fester. I think they are the reason that we walk down the aisle in our pretty white dresses and dream of the happily ever after.

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you!

Summer time date nights can be an amazing way to change up your normal routine. As I’ve said before date nights are important to us. If it’s possible to have a set date night where you and your spouse know when date night is every night, that is the best. In our lifestyle, I can’t convince Matt to do that. I wish though!

Summertime is a good time to mix up your normal date night routine. I’ve compiled a list of unique ideas to add some variety into your life.

1. Find a unique and beautiful place to watch the sunset. Whether that be a rooftop, lake or simply outside on your patio.
2. Have a campout. Grab a tent, blanket, candle, s’mores and have a romantic night.
3. Have/attend a couple BBQ. Spend some quality time with quality food around a picnic table with couples that value marriage.
4. Go on a dessert date.
5. Bike around your city. Combine exercise and adventure.
6. Play some adult games. It combines foreplay and communication.
7. Go to a driving range or put put. Even though golf might not be your thing, it will be a way to laugh with your spouse. Don’t be too competitive. Have fun while moving your body.
8. Go parking. That’s right. Find a drive in movie theater and cuddle up.
9. Dance. Turn some music on, head out to your yard and just dance. Hold each other tight, twirl your partner around.
10. Go to an outdoor concert.
11. Find a local berry patch and pick some fruit together.
12. Hit up a local lake and go fishing.
13. While you’re at the lake, see if they have canoes or kayaks that you can rent and get out on the water.
14. Go to a baseball game.
15. Walk around downtown. Visit the little shops that you never have time to go in.

I hope you take advantage of the beautiful summer whether. Winter will be here before we know it so we need to take advantage of the weather while we can. Which one was your favorite idea?

If you enjoyed reading this, we would love it if you would hit the share button and introduce us to your friends. You all are the reason we get to do this and we’re so appreciative of that! Please help us continue serving people by sharing us with your family and friends! Leave us a comment and let us know how this has impacted your life. It’s the little things that make me so happy to continue doing this, such as a like, comment or share! Have you subscribed to the page so new blogs will arrive in your email automatically? Go to our homepage to do so! Please and thank you!

I’ve been told it’s okay to be selfish every once in a while. I’ve really tried to put out some solid content to help improve your marriage the past few months. This week for #marriagemondaytpstyle 99.9% of you aren’t going to be interested in at all. This one is simply for me because I want to remember this moment for all of eternity.

We were having supper at my parents to celebrate Father’s Day. My oldest sister’s two oldest kids were here spending some time with us and Grandma and Grandpa. Dean, who is almost 4, was finished eating and went and laid down on the floor. Matt told him he had a milk mustache and my mom asked him if he felt alright. He said he was fine, just tired.

A few minutes later, you guessed it, all of supper came up all over the floor and him. Mom jumped into action, old news for her as an experienced mom of three grown kids. I sat at the table immobile, gagging. The part that I want to remember forever is Matt. We don’t have kids of our own and while he is his own version of uncle, super hands-on is not what I’d call it. But yet, as soon as it happened, he was up and carrying Dean to the bathtub. He had his clothes stripped and shower happening before I got over gagging at the table.

It was one of those really special moments that you look at your spouse, after a rough few weeks or months, and feel all the feels. In that moment I loved that man more than I ever have. Couples that stay married for a long time talk about how they love each other more with each passing year. In that moment, I knew exactly what they were talking about.

It was everyday life and a puking kid, but I get goosebumps every time I think about it. Every day life is hard, but moments like those give me reason to put one foot in front of the other. He is an amazing man and I’m so blessed I get to call him all mine!